Yup. It’s true! Since it is wedding season and since i have had the distinct pleasure of attending 4 weddings already this year, i thought it might be apropos to speak on a topic of which very few really take the time to consider. Gay guys at weddings!!! I have had several conversations with my gay friends over the past few weeks, as research, if you will. We all agree that usually we get shafted at our gay bestie’s weddings. I mean, let’s face it. It’s all about the wedding party. So, where do you put us? On the bridesmaid side? On the groomsmen side? Since i can safely say that most of the gay bffs out there would NOT feel comfortable wearing a bridesmaid dress, do you put them on the grooms side and call it a day? I don’t know. I really just don’t know.
If you think about it, it’s where the unconventional meets the traditional.
One of my bffs has been planning her wedding for the past 6 months. She has continuously called me an “honorary” bridesmaid, which to be honest, never bothered me. I understood it was about her and not about me. I have to hand it to her as I was invited to all of the events. I know she did her absolute best to include me in everything she possibly could. First, it was the shower, then it was the 4 fittings for the Vera Wang dress, and then it was the bachelorette weekend where I probably drank a little too much one afternoon (on the wine tasting trip) and spontaneously performed a little strip tease for the girls AND I will neither confirm nor deny that i may have used a couple of the poles around. Oh well, it happens. Anyway…it has been a great ride. I never asked for anything and was always pleasantly surprised by her actions and behavior.
My bf and I were invited to the Rehearsal Dinner, where there were some speeches made, and as you all know, that is where the bride and groom usually thank their wedding party. Nothing was mentioned about me…and it made me a wee bit sad, but i can’t expect them to think about me at every moment, especially when the wine and drinks were continuous and scrumptious. It was an amazing dinner! The next day, as customary, I spent the entire afternoon with the bride and bridesmaids. It was so much fun, and I felt like one of the most special gay guys and was honored to be such a huge part of the activities. When it was picture time, i positioned the dress, the people, and helped the incredible photographer get all of the money shots. I didn’t do any of it for recognition, rather, i did it because I wanted her to have the best wedding ever and have the most fabulous photos for the rest of her life. It was just that important to me. Oh and I may have even saved one of the bridesmaids and even the mother of the groom as i had intelligently stashed away some bobby pins and safety pins…because you never know when you might need them…especially at a wedding.
At the beautiful reception, the speeches started and i honestly had resigned myself from being publicly acknowledged as i truly had felt appreciated enough by the bride, groom, and their families. I really did. So, as i was saying, gay guys usually get shanked at weddings. But not my Sonia. Nope, she waited until the most poignant time in her most poignant speech and after she sincerely thanked all of her bridesmaids, she started saying, and we would like to extend a special thank you to…Seth! My heart skipped a beat. Oh. My. God. Did she just say my name? All i remember is that she continued to thank me for about 30 seconds and, when she finished, the whole room cheered…for me. Boy, did she do me proud. I looked around to the other bridesmaids and we were all crying and shedding tears. That was mostly because we were not allowed all day to get mushy with each other as we didn’t want to ruin anyone’s make up or anyone’s hair. (There were some close calls!!!) Even thinking about it now makes me all choked up. She (they) honored me in such a special way and circumstance, that I will never ever forget how amazingly important and valued i felt at that moment. Thank you, S&K. It meant the world to me.
I don’t really have a solution for this situation because it’s all about the bride. Perhaps take a lesson from Sonia above. What happened above is a rarity!
Here’s my invitation for all gay guys: Don’t take it too personally! And if you do take major issue, share your sentiments with your soon-to-be-bride-friend ASAP.
Here’s my invitation for all straight girls: Do the best you can to honor your friendship with your gay bestie. It means a lot to them. Fuck tradition. Make a unique choice.
Here’s my invitation for all straight guys: It would be best for you to either stay out of it or be extremely supportive no matter what your fiancee decides.
1) I appreciate the continued support and encouragement. Bring it on!!!
2) I will be finishing up the final rough draft for my first book in the “Smile From The Inside” trilogy over the next week. Wish me luck!!!
3) When was the last time you purposefully made someone smile???
4) If you like what you read, don’t be afraid to re-tweet or share it with your pals!!!
A Smile From The Inside production. 🙂