Sometimes children’s books are too close for comfort!
You know those days…where from the moment you wake up, you stub your toe on the Ikea bed-frame. It’s that same pesky bed-frame foot you’ve hit with your toe – ten times over – within the last couple of months. And your day just doesn’t improve. You know when for some odd reason, the plug in the bathroom decides today, I am just not going to work for you, so you have to do your kinda-cool, kinda-slick electronic shave in your kitchen sink. You get dressed, shower, and things are looking on the up-and-up, and you discover you are totally on time for your morning routine. Yay!
But, just as you get to your car, the car key falls. Oh yeah, that reminds me – I have been meaning to go to the hardware store to buy a new “loop,” because this is the third time in three days this has happened. You look down to the ground and the car-key is no where to be found. Good times. You begin to search for it – only to realize that the key fell FAR underneath your neighbors car…parked about 12″ away. Awesome!
Now, don’t forget!!! You have an avulsion fracture in your left ankle (so, be careful when you bend down NOT to put any unnecessary strain on it), your holding your manpurse (which is unusually heavy because your laptop is inside because you might need that if something goes wrong with your upcoming book…note the foreshadowing), and your wonderful little Frenchie, Maggie, is feeling particularly lazy and needs a boost into the car seat. Are you kidding me?
As you begin to have a very clear moment about the hysterical situation and sequence of events leading up to this moment, instead of laugh at the comical moment, nope, instead you slip and fall onto your knees. I mean, you had already deduced that you would have to kneel (anyway) on the floor to pick up the key lying three feet under your neighbor’s car. Yum. So, by the time you struggle to nab the key (just slightly out of your reach) and stand up, you realize you have indeed scuffed your pants, stained them, and now are out of time to run upstairs (or in my particular case, hobble upstairs) to perform an emergency fashion switch-a-roo. Mind you, this all before 7:30am.
That was how my day started yesterday. That was all before 7:30 in the morning. Um…what?
By some miracle of God, I made the 5-mile trek to work without accidents, hiccups, or incidents, knock on wood. It felt especially great yesterday because it was my very first day using Adam’s brand new car because one of my friend’s desperately needed a car (as her car died and is now in the shop), so I gave her mine. Needless to say, I’m terrified that anything might happen to it, right?
As luck would have it, the staples run out in the middle of a stapler-type project. Ok, I have more staples readily available at my desk. No problem. A few minutes later, the tape runs out. Well…i don’t have any spare rolls of tape lying around and honestly, Seth, you don’t use that much tape, so I’ll just wait until I need it again. Within another hour, like clockwork, you need the tape. Ugh.
I forgot to mention that when I arrived at work, I ran into the men’s room to clean up the scuff and dirt marks from my pants. It worked remarkably well, but then I had to two “water” stains on both knees and somehow, I managed to get dribbles and drabbles of wetness around my man-parts. No worries. It’s 8am, no one’s really here yet. It will dry, right? Wrong. The moment I walk out of the bathroom, the really cute “other” gay guy in the office smiles and waves at me. I wave, cause I’m a gentlemen, turn around quickly, and then walk away (or hobble in my particular instance), in complete embarrassment and horror. I’ll explain later…to him that is.
As you all know, I have been interviewing like a biatch for some great Director-type positions. I think I may have finally found the one, so we started the money conversations. I should have pushed the conversation by one more day. OMG. Why are we on two totally unique pages of the same un-published book? It was so discouraging. I will keep the faith alive that we can figure something out, but I know what I’m worth and I’m going to fight for it — because I deserve it. Amen!
Not to get too much into my personal relationships/friendships, as I have respected their privacy throughout the last year of blog postings, but I received two separate disturbing and unsettling texts from two special people in my life. You know those texts where it should be a telephone conversation but instead you speak via text and hope something is resolved. Not just one. Two! I didn’t know how to respond and, to be honest, I still don’t know how to respond to either. Good luck with that, Seth!
Rejection. We all deal with it. We all handle it. We all move on, right? Wrong! Why is it that after having a few interviews for a great position, companies nowadays do NOT feel the need to contact and advise you that they are moving on with two other candidates who might or might not (in my opinion) be better suited for the position.? I mean, I had to contact this company several times just to get that response. I just think that’s rude. This was an okay position but the opportunity to be part of a great and reputable organization. The in-house recruiter was gracious, sweet, and hopefully sincere in his compliments and advised me that he would prefer to get me something in my price range. The salary was a little low for my taste…but I had worked on it and come to a resolved place of harmony with less money than I normally would take as the the pros by far outweighed the negatives. Moving on, next!
Let’s not even start on the money issues. Let’s just say, because of the avulsion fracture, insoles, and multitude of doctor’s appointments, I have spent more than I have.
Ankle-in-pain! Just a little fun tibdit. My ankle was hurting all day long on top of everything else. That’s fun. Perhaps it hurts because I gave the my Nigerian pygmy dairy goats, Vinnie and Trixie, baths on Saturday. The gay cutie-pie wether (neutered goat) loves to be groomed, bathed, ears cleaned, toes clipped, etc… He must think it’s spa heaven. While the other lesbian, Trixie, she hates everything to do with touching her body. She absolutely hates being bathed, groomed, cleaned, clipped, etc…and raises holy hell. That was fun. They are powerful little creatures and do NOT like to stand still. That was a comedy and I definitely laughed at myself over and over.
And absolutely the last big kick of the day was the ONE MISTAKE I found when perusing the FINAL physical proof of, “How I Learned To Smile From The Inside.” This ONE mistake causes delay in everything and now I must wait another few days before I can publish it officially. Oh my God. Thank God, I was sitting down. I just had had it. I buried my face in my hands…and shed one tear.
I decided last night at 8:30pm, it was high time to just call it a day. I put on “Finding Bigfoot” (an incredible docu-series about finding sasquatches throughout North America) — and for some reason that show inspires me to do better, be better, and forget myself. I mean, who doesn’t want to search for Bigfoot, right? I watched two episodes, walked my precious but lazy-ass Frenchie, up and down the road (or in my case hobbled), and called it a night.
Bottom line: I’m only human. There’s only so much I can take sometimes. I understand there are many techniques to brighten your spirits and I understand that emotions are just like farts. They come and go. Yesterday, I just wanted to crawl back into bed and under my covers with my precious, but lazy, doggie. And that’s perfectly okay. I know tomorrow I will see the light and recognize the lessons learned from yesterday’s disgusting-ness. I have already chuckled in writing this blog post.
As life would have it, funny thing is, I awoke to a text from a former client of mine with a potential incredible position opportunity. Bingo! I like the way this day has started at 6:30am. Now, the terrible bedframe, the loose car key (which I have since removed altogether from that flimsy little loop), the little lazy dog, the stapler, the money issues, the book, it all seems attackable and I am ready to move on once again, or, in my case, hobble on. Yeehaw!
It’s time for me to sign off…and go find a roll of tape. It’s time to get back to life and remember what a great roller coaster emotional highway it is. Have a great day everyone!
Stay tuned for my book. I’ll let you know when it is available. Duh!
1) Sometimes I feel like we should just be able to stop the day and proceed with caution back into bed. Last night, as I started to write this blog post, it was 8:43pm. All I could think was, “Can I go to bed yet? Is it too early?”
2) Writing about yesterday makes me feel twenty times better and gives me the space to even giggle a little. You should try writing about your trials and tribulations.
3) Long story short, my book will most likely not be coming out tomorrow, as originally planned. It will either be Friday or Saturday. That’s okay, right? Everything happens for a reason.
4) Did everyone see the Doritoes goat commercial at the SuperBowl? Even me, the gay guy, who doesn’t do sports, watched the Superbowl. Even if only for the commercials. I actually really got into the second half. Fascinating, right?
5) Shout out to Adam in Liberia and Chad for the blog-post heading!